Dodging Bullets Named James*

Posted on by kelley

Have you ever had a close friend that you were attracted to but never acted upon it? When your heart was crushed by another, he helped mend it with understanding and laughter. You got close, included him in your family functions, Netflix + chilled, gotten drunk together-all without a kiss or cuddle or feel up? For years. It may have been due to your relationship status, or his, or something you could not pinpoint that was just always off and the land beyond platonic was never discovered.. And then, years after your last friendly encounter, you hit him up to say hi, how are you?

With his response, a bright red light bulb finally turns on. And flashes.

Your palms start to sweat. Your heart pumps a little harder. Then a tidal wave of relief washes over you.

Within almost a decade, maybe you both subconsciously knew that you couldn’t be the one to “fix” him. None of these women were. But how many failed relationships and terminated pregnancies and deadened spirits can one man carry before he collapses from the weight?

Although you feel for him, his current lover and his messy walk-in closet collection of brokenness, you can do nothing but breathe deep + thank the universe a thousand times for sparing your heart.

There’s nothing rebellious about loving something that can’t love you. You’re a woman – you should have known that men in the city would split you in half searching for their fathers in between your legs. –Warsan Shire

More than once, he said you were perfect for him but also warned that he was no good. Now you know why you two never blossomed and why you never would.

*title name has been changed to protect identity

 

 

 

 

 

28 thoughts on “Dodging Bullets Named James*”

  3. Sometimes people in our lives are meant to be there in certain aspects. It’s a blessing that the advantage that could have been taken, resulted in relief. A friend that had your best interest at heart.

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  5. Nice story but it also works the other way too as I currently know to my cost. Right girl wrong time even though we are both single, see each other most days, eat together, watch TV together, laugh together but never anything more is allowed. Patience or wasting time…..?

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  6. Wow! This was intense and so real (obviously being a true story lol). But I mean real in the sense that I have a similar situation. He told me “I honestly feel that if I would have met you before, I would have been happy. But that didn’t happen and I don’t want to ruin what we have.” It strengthened my trust in him, knowing that he appreciates me enough to put my best interest first. And I love this quote – I’m putting it on FB

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    1. So glad you felt it! It’s unfortunate that many women are warned [verbally and by the man’s actions], but don’t listen! And end up broken and start to mistrust every man’s actions after him. I guess we’re a couple of lucky ones.

      Thank you for tuning in and your honest feedback.

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  7. Whoa… this quote “There’s nothing rebellious about loving something that can’t love you. You’re a woman – you should have known that men in the city would split you in half searching for their fathers in between your legs” is incredible. The only thing I would alter is that it’s their fathers and mothers. And yes, dodging bullets are great. I probably have dodged a few bullets myself without even realizing. (I always went after my crushes… I’m working on that flaw lol). I can say that that a man did tell me he was no good for me and I tried to ignore it until I realized he was absolutely right.

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    1. Yes! Mothers + fathers alike.

      I used to have a problem being the initiator, but now I wanna be woo’d, you know.

      So glad you felt it and you were able to spare your heart with the man who let you know.

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      1. Yeah once I realized he was never going to be the boyfriend that I didn’t even realize I wanted, I had to drop him and he left with no fight cause he already knew. And I want to be woo’d too but I like control…too much so hence me being the initiator. One day, I’ll get it together. lol

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        1. Just think… there are many men and women who ignore the signs and actually build families with people are incapable of loving them the way they need!

          And we’re so much alike! I like control too, hence why I haven’t been on a date in a very long time. I also think it has to do a lot with the kind of [no nonsense/don’t come slanging that okey doke] energy I give off.

          I do hear of some men liking a woman who makes the first move, but I’m thinking those aren’t the type that you’re compatible.

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          1. This is very true. I see it all the time which saddens me but I understand that it’s part of their journey and hopefully they’ll get it eventually.

            And yes, I’ve been dateless since last year and I hardly date cause I am giving the side eye quickly. lol I am an empath so I pick up on things really quickly and fortunately, I’m at an age where I can cut it off quickly too.

            And I understand that no nonsense vibe vibe… I think I kinda give off the same. Some guy (who I was attracted to) said that I seem to not be interested in dating by the way I come across. I didn’t take offense. I actually listened cause 1) he was cute lol … how shallow right? and 2) he may be able to tell me something about myself that I never noticed. I am usually more so aloof though.

            And you’re right on that last point. I think we both want someone who can put us in our place when necessary and who can be the aggressive one. It’s sexy!

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          2. Yes! The last men I dated were so soft, passive. One even told me I acted like a man. They don’t welcome anyone or anything that challenges their views or comfort zone. They don’t like real conversations that matter unless it agrees with their opinions.

            It really is quite old.

            And I know it’s not just you [or me] because I hear this from many women with different preferences and approaches and attitudes.

            Thanks much for the honest feedback, sis. Nice girls finish last or nah?

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          3. No problem and yeah… it seems that way. :/ To put a positive spin, maybe God kinda works a little extra hard on our future mates and you know men can take longer for grow in maturity hence why we’re still single. lol

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          4. TRUE! Unfortunately true. I was talking to a young lady the other day and she said they don’t mature/aren’t really ready to act right til about 40, then they wanna get a woman in her early 20s! She sounded bitter but there might be some validity to her statement. I just try not to think about it too much!

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