I don’t like to be asked why I’m single, especially in a manner that alludes to singledom equating loneliness, bitterness, unworthiness, craziness and sadness. Or that something has to be wrong with me or any of the men I date. And I can say with confidence and honesty, I’m good! (There was a time after my first major break up that I was not so good sans partner, so, believe me, I can tell the difference.) Healthy, fulfilling relationships are dope as all get out, but what I do think is unhealthy is putting so much focus on being great for someone else that you miss the perks of rolling solo.As I’ve mentioned, you can better utilize your valuable time (re)discovering your purpose + becoming the best you for you first. No, I haven’t given up on love. I’m definitely not bitter. And I’m not on that strong, independent Black woman soapbox society so meticulously crafted for women like me, but rather the if he doesn’t put in consistent effort, teach me and is open to learning, add a significant amount of peace, enjoy telling the truth, like himself, love deeply without conditions and make my heart burst with joy, I’ll pass type deal.
And that’s just the minimum. Why do some people see this as negative?
None of us would be single if it were that easy to meet and hold onto a very compatible, ready, available someone that also wants to hold onto you. (For all and only the right reasons, of course.) And to me, cultivating love and peace and happiness within myself is of utmost importance. Maintaining joy and drive in my work and the things I do most are also high on the list. Anything more is a major bonus. But harping on why I don’t have partner?
Maintaining a half-assed relationship out of fear or to save face? Nope, it’s just not in me! It will only make my heart ache for something real and pull energy from the things that are currently fulfilling.
Anyway, partner or no partner, whatever is meant for me in life will come.
For you, too.
(See the linked post below; it inspired this rant.)
Listen damnit, I am tired of single people getting looked at like we have leprosy or some shit. It is like if you are over a certain age and you are not in a relationship then some people seem to talk to or about you in such a condescending manner. Everyone does not get into…