week 43|2017

Posted on by kelley

Explain your anger instead of just expressing it and you will find solutions instead of arguments. -unknown

True enough, but..

Remember as a kid your parents and teachers used to ask what’s wrong? when you were hollering and crying and carrying on? Until a certain age, they didn’t usually counter with anger, frustration or annoyance. Why don’t adults do that for other adults? From what I’ve observed, many people would rather be “right”, tell you you’re overreacting/dismiss your feelings, ignore you or solely seek to get the last word instead of genuinely trying to understand. Why is this? I know certain situations don’t call for it, but when they do, where’s the compassion?

I ask because this was me: shutting out a person because I’d felt shut out. Unfortunately, I was harboring this anger when I ran into him twice and projected this pain and confusion onto him before I sat in it, put my big girl draw’s on and released it. It’s peculiar (or is it?) how the universe aligned my release with him asking me to breakfast, apologizing and us completely clearing the air to move forward. We listened. We heard each other. This is what our parents encouraged my sister and me to do as youths: work it out between yourselves and stop acting like you hate each other because you know you don’t.

As I stated, some situations don’t warrant solutions, but the ones you cherish deserve explanation after an offense, compassion and a listening ear. I gave my friend and our friendship these things and I feel so much better.

❤

20 thoughts on “week 43|2017”

    1. I can see how things could worsen after explanation if both parties aren’t willing to participate in maintaining a friendship. But other times, words need to be said. Even if you get no response (or a response you can’t live with), at least he/she knows how you feel and you can move on knowing you said your peace.

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      1. Often saying how I feel is not worth the effort. That person didn’t care in the first place so I can’t be bothered. Anyway I’m not good at that kind of thing. I’d rather just disengage. No more confrontations or arguments.

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        1. Understood. Believe me, I am the same way; I will walk away quietly when I feel there’s little to no reciprocity. But people love to pop up and start asking questions with persistence and that’s when I give it to them. I don’t mind giving closure, but I also don’t mind ignoring them for the rest of my life.

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  3. Love the update to your site, Kellz!
    Me? I’ve been trying to do better by expressing my thoughts as to why i’m angry. Although, most times i need a week to calm down, silence myself, disappear for a minute, then resurface after i’d had time to think about why i’m angry or why that person’s words or actions made me angry. This has proven to be a great solution for me and a testament to my growth as a person. However, in recent events, i’ve lost a few folks because of how I chose to address situations that make me angry. It hurt, but it also let me know that person couldn’t have been a real friend to me anyway simply because i chose not to BLAST off in my anger the moment something happened.

    Oh well…i’ll continue to use my method because i believe it’s the mature way for me to handle confrontation and the like. If you have a better suggestion, please feel free to @ me and let me know. I’m open.

    Thanks for this, Kellz.

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    1. Thank YOU, dear! I appreciate you sharing your testimony.

      Not going ham in the moment and making folks feel 1″ tall; we are the same person in that regard. You have to do what works for you and it seems like the dead weight falls away and the right people stay to weather the storm.

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