I’m getting… old?

Posted on by kelley

Hence this post’s title:

Last week, I called a gal pal for her birthday and we had a laugh about how shitty it was growing up with a birthday overshadowed by two of the, if not THE biggest holidays celebrated in the U.S.. maybe even the world. My family was notorious for combined gifts and empty promises of something special after that first check of the new year.

#sideeye

Anyway, friend asked what bday plans I’d made and I said something along the lines of nothing. I really don’t want to be bothered, punctuated with a lighthearted but-I’m-deadass chuckle. And she replied, in all seriousness, that I had to do sooomething and to get it together. ASAP. She wasn’t the only friend I’d turned my face up to with these instructions. Who made these rules?

rih.gif

But I did do sooomething: I woke up mad “late”, made some tea (or was it cocoa?) and got back into bed to binge on Ozark. I think I took a nap? Journaled. My mom called and insisted we do dinner or a late lunch or soooomething. I whined that I was still in bed very, very busy and not yet ready to party so hard.

Insert more Ozark.

I did some online shopping (from bed) and scored an amazing discounted hand mixer and spatulas. Hunger finally helped me gain the will to get out of bed and into some decent clothes per mom’s orders. And y’all, I didn’t even have to convince her into buying me a plate to go and dessert. I spent some time with family and returned to, you guessed it: Ozark. I’m pleased to say my NYE was quite similar.

My point? Do you need a specific day to celebrate life? Is there only one way to celebrate? I say no and umm..  no. Shouldn’t we be loving on ourselves and each other so tough, so often that when a birthday or any holiday tries to trick us into doing some extra shit, there’s no need to jump, scramble for a gift and/or make plans? I love a good party, my folks, beaches, food and travel, but the simple me time felt celebratory. My rest. My music. My peace. My books and desk and sketchbooks. Did I mention Ozark?

It’s been a few years since I’ve done a major birthday sooomething; my obligations have just shifted. Or maybe my upbringing has conditioned me to be a Jehovah’s Witness. These days, carving out and actually following through with Kelley time is a gift in itself. And necessary. With no apologies or bs excuses, I no longer feel obligated to celebrate or jump unless I really truly ABSOLUTELY feel like it. But that’s it. I’m not getting old, right??!

ANYwho, cheers to me. Cheers to you! Cheers to doing what feels best and getting ample rest. Thank you for being here. Thanks to WP for bringing us together. I hope you all had an amazing 2017 and plan to make even bigger waves in 2018! Or simply, welcome to the rest of your lives!

❤

P.S. I’m cleaning up and clearing out my art shop, so everything is on sale! I hope to have all new pieces for the spring.. if I feel like it 😉

46 thoughts on “I’m getting… old?”

  1. After reading your piece, I truly felt more at ease for just having my me time. Our loved ones and close peers get so wrapped in the idea of doing “extra” and the idea of just being often times scares them. Thank you for sharing your personal thoughts.

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  2. Happy Birthday! Staying in bed resting sounds like a plan. Especially if you live in the Northeast! It’s freezing cold here in New York. As for me I enjoy my birthdays. Next month Feb. 27th I will be 59. God Willing. Birthdays signal the New Year for me not Jan. 1st. As I get older I especially value birthdays as many of my friends have passed away. It’s an accomplishment to make it to another year! Since I’m still working I have no plans for my birthday next month. It falls in the middle of the week and I might not be able to get vacation. Maybe just the day off and since winter will still be kicking butt I’ll probably be celebrating by staying in bed!! ❤ ❤

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    1. Thank you!
      That sounds like a plan. I agree that a birthday marks your personal new year and they are definitely blessings to have.
      And I’m in the southeast where it’s been freezing and below all day and night for over a week now. I try not to complain but that’s me complaining.

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    2. DancingPalmtrees, I remember reading on your blog, way back, that you celebrate the whole of the month your birthday falls in. So, may I be the first to wish you a very happy birthday on the 27th.:)

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  3. There’s nothing wrong with doing NOTHING! As you get older you realize it takes alot of work just to do the smallest SOMETHING! Even for your “birthday”. I just had this convo with a co-worker yesterday. Me-time doesn’t always mean turn-up time. It’s ok to lay in the bed all day binging on Netflix, playing old Super Nintendo games (having a nostalgia moment lol), or whatever. Plus, it’s been too damn cold in Georgia to step outside no longer than 30 seconds, so I feel ya. I love this post🤩🤩🤩

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    1. Thank you! I’m convinced we, those of African descent, are not meant for this weather. I can’t deal. And Man, I wish I still had my Super Nintendo! My birthday was something special though. I asked around if I was weird for not wanting to do anything. Besides the buddies I complained about in the post, the consensus was I should do what I feel like doing on my day. So I did!

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      1. I’m glad you enjoyed it. I bought a classic SNES mini the other day for $80 from Best Buy. It has 21 games pre-installed. Reliving my childhood all over again.

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  4. ahh birthdays are so much effort especially when they’re close to holidays. Its nice when you can accept and enjoy doing nothing…I liked what you said life in itself should be a celebration anyway so whats a day

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  6. I love this post! And btw, a belated Happy Birthday!

    I have a real big problem on my birthday because either I need therapy or….never mind, I NEED therapy because I feel as though the whole, entire world should just stop for a minute and revolve around me because my brightest memory of childhood was my birthday because I was princess for a day. Whatever I wanted, it was mine. The parties with all my friends and me being the guest of honor was just too thrilling! And the gifts were nonstop.

    And now that I’m older, I’m sitting somewhere like…why is this not like my ‘childhood princess for a day’? Boo Hoo! Sob! Sob! I think that I am just one of those adults who just did not want to grow up! I feel that I must cram as much as possible into my day or I will sulk for days. And I can never achieve that childhood birthday thrill and so I sulk and become irritable for days. And I simply cannot be pleased. It makes no difference if I get lots of attention or no attention on my birthday, I’m still not satisfied with it. Yeah! I know! Time to call the shrink!

    Kelley, again, great post and thanks for the mention. Much appreciated as I am sure you know! And my sincerest wish is that you have many, many more great birthdays regardless of how you celebrate them.

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    1. Thank you, Shelby! I get the princess for a day thing; I vicariously lived through my sister and cousins who had birthdays in spring and summer. Since Christmas is right before my birthday and New Year’s is celebrated right after, it was never made to be a big deal and it just trickled into adulthood.

      But reading your story, maybe my conditioning was good thing? And like you said, I’m sure it’s a bigger issue than you just being unsatisfied with or without the princess treatment. I love that you recognize this as a problem and that you’re honest enough to share.

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  7. ❤️ you’re right life should be celebrated regardless of day. People don’t realize the power in being still and how mental draining is important. I think you celebrated you in a lovely way. It’s not always time to turn up AND there’s nothing wrong with just wanting to chill for a birthday.

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    1. Right right. My turn up is a little different than it used to be LOL! I think however you want to celebrate should be the plan, not what everyone wants or expects you to do on your special day.

      Thanks for the spot on comment!

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  8. First of all, I’m going to have to check out Ozark! Secondly, HAPPY HAPPY BDAY Kelley!I totally agree about celebrating birthdays. It’s the same as living life…you do you and I’ll do me and if we happen to align at some point, that’s cool!

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  11. Happy Belated Birthday twin xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo first of all i cracked up at Sideeye…lol but i feel you, who has the energy these days?? everyone else always wants to do so much and be all extra but you ‘re just looking at them like no I’m ok. all i wanted for the new year was eggnog and to watch the honeymooners. I was giving hubby major side eye when he asked if i wanted to go to his mothers house…I was looking at him like well you can go..lol

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  12. HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY, SIS!!!!!
    I had a similar conversation with a friend of mine not long ago. She’s an introvert (her words) and so she has no desire to be out and about. not even on her birthday. Maybe even -ESPECIALLY on her birthday. I told her, the truth is, your birthday isn’t simply about you. It’s about allowing the people who love you most to celebrate your existence. your presence. here on earth, and especially in their lives. I see/hear what you’re saying about loving each other all through the year…but the truth is life happens. but on that one day…your one day…routines get paused, plans get rearranged, and celebration plans get made, all in honor of YOU.
    …that’s what birthdays are all about, Charlie Brown. 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

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    1. Thanks so much!

      I agree with you! I would have been fine with a trip or a dinner party or whatever, but I was not in the mood to invite everyone or get a headcount or decide where to go. I’ve graciously accepted party plans and trips made in my honor, but when it comes to people saying I have to do something and they’re not willing to put it together or at least assist, they’re getting that Rihanna gif.

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  15. It’s far too tiring to celebrate life everyday – who has the energy? Certainly not me! But how you celebrate your birthday is entirely up to you once you get to a certain age – as long as you mark the occasion (because it IS a special day, however you want to look at it), that’s entirely up to you as it is YOUR day and no one else’s. Happy Belated Birthday!

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  16. Happy belated bday Kelley. Happy to hear you and Ozark did it your way. I celebrate my bday for about a month, unapologetically doing little things I love each day. Most years I travel bday week and family jokingly say, ‘Um, we would like to celebrate your b-day too if we could find you.’ LOL. It all comes down to knowing what feels good and doing it, no matter the day!

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  17. I stayed in ordered takeout….for breakfast…watched movies with my teen. Great conversation. …I ordered takeout for lunch….Mexican….I thanked God my birthday fell on a Saturday and I don’t work weekends. When you make yourself truly happy; your life is fulfilled. A pic of you doing you is the best selfie.

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