- Use his/her name.
- Express sincere gratitude.
- Do more listening than talking.
- Talk more about him/her than yourself.
- Be authentically interested.
- Be sincere in your praise.
- Show you care.
I’d like to add
8. Look him/her in the eyes when either of you are speaking, (especially if you’re apologizing, giving praise or showing gratitude), and
9. Listen to listen, not to respond.
Seems easy enough, right? Well these simple virtues are falling by the way way waaaaayside as we speak. I’ve been called a forward-thinking renaissance woman, but some of my manners are antiquated if you ask the next chick. I guess I’m holding tough because people, young and not so young(in age), are more interested in what’s happening on an app than in real life. Those electric connections are more gratifying than the physical. Eye contact and real conversations are so hard, right?! Were Zapp&Roger forecasting when they created Computer Love? But the love isn’t found in the computer, but rather with it.
Anyway, I’m working on being the reflection of the friend I need and not being such a butt cheek in conversation. It’s hard, y’all. Sarcasm and dry humor are my
defense mechanisms super powers. It’s not necessarily an attempt at changing my ways, but rather dishing out my sarcasm in smaller doses, digging deeper and being more transparent. (And just FYI, I’m only sarcastic with people I really really REALLY like, so consider yourself special.) Plus, I just want to flex on the homies with my amazing listening skills and ability to be an adult. You know, be more of the friend I’d want for myself. It’s beautiful what you can absorb when you shut off your own voices to truly hear what’s being shared.
I’m also taking a stab at number 7, showing that I care. My Teflon Donna exterior melts when I care because when I care, I care A LOT. And it’s important to me to know that the recipient knows that I care, in whatever form(s) necessary. I know my love languages and what fills me up but I’ve assumed how I receive love and how I give love are one in the same. WRONG! Not always wrong, but sometimes! What I need from a friend may not be what they need from me. That awareness and willingness to do the work can extend a relationship or help you see its incapabilities.
Would you add anything to this list? Do you find it important to make others feel important?