Choose people who choose you.
A social media account I’m subscribed to posted this as a reminder to those of us who can’t seem to get it. Yes, you may be awesome. Smart. Sexy. Funny. Ambitious with an infectious smile. Charismatic and interesting. Give great advice and heartfelt hugs with a knack for making everyone feel included. But it’s not up to others to welcome your greatness. Some people don’t see it. Some people refuse to acknowledge it. And then there are those that do, but cannot speak your love language or fit you comfortably into their lives. And I’m am here to tell you: these are not your people.
I know for sure that love in amorous relationships, familial relationships and friendships pours into you. It should be organic, warm and free-flowing, not a tug-of-war to get what you want. There should never be a question of where you stand, and if there is ever, you should ask and receive clear reassurance.
You teach people how to treat you.
This goes hand in hand with choosing people who choose you; a man who is inconsistent but still gets what he wants from you is not going to suddenly do right, call more regularly, make solid plans and respect your time. (That’s called magic, sis.) And a “friend” who only hits you up when she needs something understands that you can fill her cup without any effort or cost from her end. Do you feel good after helping her out again? Drained? Used?
So let’s do better, y’all. Use that intuition to stop stressing over people who don’t even like themselves enough to realize the value you bring into their lives! Stop trying to change those who have shown themselves. Believe them the first time! Save your love and energy for those who show and prove that you’re worthy and dope. Maintain bonds that are reciprocal and feel good.
I say all this to say, simply, choose yourself. First and always.