week 22: choosy lover

Posted on by kelley

Choose people who choose you. 

A social media account I’m subscribed to posted this as a reminder to those of us who can’t seem to get it. Yes, you may be awesome. Smart. Sexy. Funny. Ambitious with an infectious smile. Charismatic and interesting. Give great advice and heartfelt hugs with a knack for making everyone feel included. But it’s not up to others to welcome your greatness. Some people don’t see it. Some people refuse to acknowledge it. And then there are those that do, but cannot speak your love language or fit you comfortably into their lives. And I’m am here to tell you: these are not your people.

You’re welcome.

I know for sure that love in amorous relationships, familial relationships and friendships pours into you. It should be organic, warm and free-flowing, not a tug-of-war to get what you want. There should never be a question of where you stand, and if there is ever, you should ask and receive clear reassurance.

You teach people how to treat you.

This goes hand in hand with choosing people who choose you; a man who is inconsistent but still gets what he wants from you is not going to suddenly do right, call more regularly, make solid plans and respect your time. (That’s called magic, sis.) And a “friend” who only hits you up when she needs something understands that you can fill her cup without any effort or cost from her end. Do you feel good after helping her out again? Drained? Used?

So let’s do better, y’all. Use that intuition to stop stressing over people who don’t even like themselves enough to realize the value you bring into their lives! Stop trying to change those who have shown themselves. Believe them the first time! Save your love and energy for those who show and prove that you’re worthy and dope. Maintain bonds that are reciprocal and feel good.

I say all this to say, simply, choose yourself. First and always.

❤

16 thoughts on “week 22: choosy lover”

    1. Thank you!

      And yes, I’ve read it. An ex gave it to me actually, and I had the same revelation! This knowledge of self changes the entire game.
      Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts ❤︎

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  2. Some people say that I am too choosy or too picky. There’s this guy who drives a bus and when I get on the bus, he always tries to start up a conversation with me. He is even more loud and obnoxious than I am and I can’t stand him. He has even taken to calling me “honey” and “darling” when I get off the bus and yet I will have nothing to do with him even though people say that he is a good catch simply because he is building a new house from the ground up and “Oh how lucky I would be with him.” They cannot be serious. It is not about them, it is about me and my happiness and there is no way that I would take materialism and overlook the fact that the person I am with disgusts me. I I hope that I never become that shallow and greedy.

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    1. Sadly women fall for that “trap” so they can look happy and put together from the outside.

      You’re a smart lady, Shelby. People have redefined the meaning of picky.

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    2. Totally respect your feelings on this… however if you don’t mind, I’d like to ask you.. have you talked to him outside his job? I’m forever the one who sees the good in most things, and even though he’s loud and obnoxious, you said…”he’s even louder than me” which tells me that you are kinda loud and obnoxious. Are you looking for someone to balance you instead of match you? If you are looking for a balance, this may be why he’s so off-putting to you (he acts similar to you). You probably already know what you’re looking for… I just know that people tend to act different when you get them alone, or engage them in conversation. You never know…

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      1. No, I haven’t because I refuse to go out with him. He continues to try and get my attention when I am on his bus by waving his hand furiously at me, but I just sing along with music coming through my headphones and ignore him.

        When I say that he is more obnoxious and loud than I am, I mean that he actually hurts peoples feelings and is ALWAYS RIGHT! And another thing, he knows EVERYTHING! I may be obnoxious and loud, but I don’t aim to hurt the feelings of everyone I come into contact with and that seems to be his intent. I’ve seen quite a few examples of that. Even the bus dispatcher has had to get on him for getting the bus company in trouble, he is that bad.

        And quite actually, I am not looking for anyone. I am tired of putting effort into relationships and so prefer my own company. As far as I am concerned, ‘romantic’ relationships aren’t worth the trouble, or in other words, are more trouble than they’re worth.

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        1. Hmmm… yeah that’s a bit much and I can see what you’re saying now that you’ve provided more context.

          That last part… about romantic relationships being more trouble than they’re worth… if you were to say that in a group of people, it would depend on who you said it to, and who they were “involved” with. The responses will vary, but I believe when you find the right person… a good fit, they are totally worth it.

          Being able to love yourself, and enjoying your own company is totally necessary. Meaning, you have to love being single before you can appreciate being with someone you love. If you ever get to that point where you feel up to dating again, I’m sure the next time will be better than the last.

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          1. Thanks Jay, but quite actually, marriage finished it for me. I believe in marrying only one time and when I got divorced, that was it for me. I’m done. Stick a fork in me, I am SO done! And with what’s out here now, I ain’t trying to catch nothing. I’ve seen too much and none of it was good.

            Take care!

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  4. I love this post.. it speaks directly to me. You did a great job here, and I agree with all points. “it’s not up to others to welcome your greatness.” This is a fact, because not everyone is made for you. I posted that a few days ago…(we’re in-sync).

    We tend to deal with interpersonal interactions (relationships) as if “I’m a great person, I’m this, I’m that…he/she should love me.” Nah sis… Nah bruh. I repeat, everyone is not made for you… they won’t understand you, your flow, your energy. It doesn’t mean they are a bad person. It just means you two were not created for each other in friendship or otherwise. Some interactions are meant to be rejected.

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    1. Indeed. Thank you, Jay. I always love reading what you have to say.
      There are a few reasons why people don’t accept your greatness, but it’s not a personal attack on your character. You just gotta continue to be great and the right matches will find you.

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  5. This is so true “Save your love and energy for those who show and prove that you’re worthy and dope. ” . I’m learning that it’s not by force to accept unfulfilling relationships and whilst we stress about those who don’t treat us right, we could use that same energy into showing appreciation for those that do!

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