The real, whole question: when do you give up on someone who hasn’t done you wrong?
It’s easy to walk away from people you are not attached to, who aren’t your friends or mean you no good. But when, if ever, do you give up on those who have been good to you? By give up, I mean when do you say I’m done trying to help. I’m not suggesting that again. I’m not giving her my energy on that matter. I’m not going to be there for her regarding this because this is the umpteenth time this happened and she has yet apply my advice?
Can you be friends with someone who’s been a good friend to you but not to himself? Can a friendship flourish with someone who doesn’t believe she’s worth better treatment from herself, her friend circle or her partner? Or just limit your intake and time together or ultimately cut her off completely?
black|burgundy 
Good question and I have been there, done that. They were, indeed, good friends to me and others, but not themselves and this never quite curls right for me, so I have let these friendships peter out. Only two have I directly said something like “I can’t do this with you anymore, but I love you, I thank you and I wish you well.” More often, when I notice I am consistently being drained from a needy friendship, I become less available, less supportive. (My less supportive is, “I know/trust you to figure this out. You got this.” Subtext: I am done troubleshooting your drama, but hope YOU can.
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Yesss, I didn’t mention that they can be draining, but they definitely can be! It can be difficult to let and let live when you know he/she is a good person, but that’s sometimes the best thing for you both.
Thanks for reading and testifying.
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I am actually in the middle of that, myself and I fight myself because she’s an amazing friend to me, but she . . . She’s not the best decision-maker or learner from major mistakes and it doesn’t just affect her but others too. I am trying, have tried, but I feel that I’ll grow distant and when that happens, it’s a done deal and I’ll just have to say my goodbyes.
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Thanks for sharing, Tre.
Someone else mentioned: when you’re done, you’re done. You just know you’ve reached the end of the road. When losing someone (including the ones that are still living), I find it best to focus on the times you had, not that your time together is over.
Wishing you the best ❤︎
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Thank you.
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I believe that when you have done all you can, you are done. I have people in my life who are similar and I just get silent. If their energy is draining and their drama is ongoing and they don’t want or aren’t ready to change, I distance myself. It doesn’t mean love is lost, it means boundaries are necessary. Some ppl are addicted to being victims and they just don’t know it.
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Boundaries are absolutely necessary. And sometimes loving from a distance is the only way to maintain your sanity.
Thanks for reading and sharing your testimony.
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What I have often done in the past is put the relationship on pause for a while (by saying I’m too busy to talk or just not responding), which forces them to make themselves feel better and fight for their own happiness instead of relying on me all the time.
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Interesting. When you reconvene, do you find that they did in fact find ways to better themselves?
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For me, the answer to this depends on the person and situation, so overall, my answer is use intuition. It will never lead you astray. There have been people with whom I’ve related (as in relationship) and I know immediately. There have been other situations where it takes yeeeeaaars because I keep wondering what you’ve written here, like well, I can just be friends/friendly and ignore the other part.
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Right right. We ignore our intuition far too often.. and for why?? Thanks for your input!
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This kind of hours back to that Oprah quote you posted. I have faded away from a lot of people. I just love them from afar. I still come around but, I’m realising that I have been trying and trying and trying to clean up the mess in others people’s lives and apparently they don’t want it clean themselves. They’ll talk a good game and agree with your advice but never take heed. They just want a continual excuse to live in mediocrity. And I’m on a path to greatness. Birds of a feather flock together. I’m soaring higher now. Now old friends have been getting shitted on because I’m above and I gotta go. It just hits whatever or whomever is below. It’s not intentionally.
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Indeed. Sometimes loving from afar is the only option. You can still wish them the best from a distance.
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