If it’s not an absolute yes, it’s an absolute no.
Last month, I spent the last day of summer in a room of women chatting about all things mental health. From boundaries to finding Black therapists to generational behaviors to anxiety triggers, The Will to Be Well was a breath of fresh air accompanied by a slap in the face of what we each sometimes tend to suppress or completely ignore.
Much was shared that evening, but one of the statements that stuck with me was If it’s not an absolute yes, it’s an absolute no. The woman who said this wasn’t a speaker and I didn’t get her name, but she’s known for giving out absolutes yeses and no’s.
I think I’ve lived by this, even before I heard it phrased this way—before I found my voice to actually vocalize it.
If you don’t feel a yes from the tips of your toes to the backs of your eyeballs, she said, it’s an an absolute no.
Do you smudge your replies into the gray abyss of maybe? Are you like my sister whose favorite phrase is We’ll see? Granted, some no’s warrant an I’m going to say no for now, but I’ll let you know if anything changes—but in my opinion, most don’t; that initial reaction is your initial reaction for a reason.
What about you? Do you often hesitate to tell people no? Do you feel guilty saying no with conviction?
❤
black|burgundy 
I think we can all relate to this a bit. Sometimes, I think it’s fear that won’t allow me to make certain things an absolute yes in my life. Other times, I JUST KNOW it’s going to be an absolute no. This is a great discussion piece. Thank you for sharing, Kelley.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Of course.
So the fear lies behind the (possible) repercussions of an absolute?
LikeLiked by 2 people
Yes, for me, it does.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Understood. I’ve been there and …everyone lived! No one’s died because of my absolute (yet). I used to feel guilt when I said no and they never asked me to _______ again, but now I feel good.
Always wishing you the best. And I always appreciate your honesty and openness.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you. I appreciate your posts made for discussion. They’re always thought-provoking and brilliantly addressed.
LikeLiked by 1 person
much thanks
LikeLiked by 1 person
I find that learning to feel the yes or no is also a way to follow our intuition. Our bodies always know.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Riiiiight. Because when you’re in the middle of yessing (helping a move, babysitting, on that double date), you’re always reminded why you first said/felt no! Always!
LikeLiked by 2 people
LOL true
LikeLike
I agree with Tre and Dr. Garland. This goes so much deeper. This dives into relationships as well. Should you be with someone that you don’t feel an absolute yes about???
LikeLike