Things to Remember About Arguing:
You are not always right.
The point of arguing is not to win.
You don’t know everything.
It’s ok to stop when you see things escalating.
Some people will not get it.
Focus on solutions instead of going in circles about the issue.
Saying the same thing over and over doesn’t get people to understand you better.
Talking louder is not a way to get people to hear you.
Thank you, Nedra, for always stating the simple facts of life.
I am a very emotional being but there is just as much logic in there, hence the bold faced point above. I’ve encountered many people who clearly just like to dwell in their misfortune and argue. And guess what?! You can’t argue with someone who refuses to engage in an unhealthy, useless exchange! I’ve been called childish because sometimes I need to walk away to calm down before I say something that can’t be forgotten or forgiven. I’ve been called condescending and mean for asking What can we do to resolve this? or What can I personally do to improve said problem? and Why are you upset about this? Maybe my attempt at a neutral, understanding expression comes off as flat and annoyed? Probably. Yes, actually, because that’s just my face! But I also don’t ask questions I don’t want the answers to, so…
So often in anger, we spit out the first thoughtless thing and/or get loud(er) to let em know we’re ready to dance in the ring. Not cool! But it’s human nature, right? Sure. But we can change our nature to actually get something out of the dispute instead of just getting the last word—which, btw, is not “winning”. (I hope my sister is reading this!) Winning is an understanding exchange. Winning an argument means we’re both/all allowed to safely express ourselves and move forward with the tools and knowledge to leave the issue there, not bring it with us as ammunition for the next.
Arguments ensue when you’re not being heard. Or maybe you’re overwhelmed and the next person who gives you any lip is gonna get it! Could be you asking the wrong one. One solution: save your energy and don’t argue with people who ain’t shit, who have proven they don’t care to make improvements. Something about frying bigger fish…
I hope this is helpful for those of you who may be spending the holiday with people that make it difficult to get along.