Parenting Your Non-Children

I celebrated my nephew’s birthday this weekend; he had a few friends join him at the trampoline park and dinner. One spawn of satan kid got out of hand—talking loudly and over others. Getting up randomly. Shaking his empty cup at the server. Yelling “where’s my food?!” more than once. Not a once did I […]

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week eleven

  How does your existence affect others? What do you think people say about you when you’re not in their presence? How would you like to be remembered? If anything, what shift(s) must be made to be have your ideal affect on others?? ❤  

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week nine

One comes to believe whatever one repeats to one’s self, whether the statement be true or false. Each of us is what we are because of the dominating thoughts we permit to occupy our minds. -Ruben Chavez | thinkgrowprosper This is why I do my best to stay away from those who have a negative […]

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week 44: Forgiveness Changes Everything (a repost)

Forgiveness what’s it really about? Forgiveness is about you. Forgiveness is for you. It never has been and it never will be about the offender. Worry not about them but about yourself, they have their own demons to deal with..demons one day they will discover, one day they will face. I Forgive you but I […]

via Forgiveness Changes Everything — Breathe Think Write Release

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week 41: Owning It — a repost + personal commentary

acct

There are some days that we don’t take a moment to reflect on exactly why people treat us the way that they do. Did we offend them? Did I say something or do something to make people think I am disrespectful? The look on my face often gives people the impression that I am aggravated […]

via @ShashaSelflove 9/11/18 – Owning It — @ShashaSelflove

Word! Accountability is a huge subcategory of honesty. Holding yourself accountable is one of the most grown up things you can do. I am constantly telling my five year old nephew to question his actions. I ask how would you feel if (insert loving relative) did that to you? How does it feel when I don’t listen to you? Why do you feel the need to (insert irritating only child tendency)? 

These questions are not rhetorical and require a response. I want him to really think about the answers, and I tell him that.

Nonetheless, he is five and these short talks usually end with a tickle, high-five or hug.  But I do recognize that adults more than 6x his age need to be handled with the same kid gloves, including me. Accountability is vital, but sometimes arduous. It’s easier to point fingers, embellish an argument in your favor or play victim than to say girl! You don’ fugged up! I am a work in progress. I can be so hard on myself and forget that I’m allowed an occasional lapse.

But when time lessens the pain, I can often laugh at myself. I can write a letter to those I regret hurting or confusing as well as those I gave the power to hurt me, tell them how I should have handled things and hope they receive that energy. I can snigger and smh at the men that drained my spirit and tear ducts. But it takes consistent practice. It takes reflecting; why am I angry? What was the trigger? What can I do better next time? And it takes knowing that you and a loved one are on the same team, so if one of you is hurt by the other’s actions, neither of you are winning. And if you don’t care enough to work through it, take care of yourself and cut the ties, as short or as long as need be. Sometimes silence is all I can give. Sometimes their refusal to accept their part is unacceptable.

Other times though, a sincere apology and a wholehearted attempt to never repeat the offense is necessary, admirable, damn near chic and oh so grown up. And a lot of us need to grow up.

 

 

photo found via Pinterest; no copyright infringement intended.

 

 

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