#SINGLELIVESMATTER {a reblog+}

Posted on by kelley

I don’t like to be asked why I’m single, especially in a manner that alludes to singledom equating loneliness, bitterness, unworthiness, craziness and sadness. Or that something has to be wrong with me or any of the men I date. And I can say with confidence and honesty, I’m good! (There was a time after my first major break up that I was not so good sans partner, so, believe me, I can tell the difference.) Healthy, fulfilling relationships are dope as all get out, but what I do think is unhealthy is putting so much focus on being great for someone else that you miss the perks of rolling solo.As I’ve mentioned, you can better utilize your valuable time (re)discovering your purpose + becoming the best you for you first. No, I haven’t given up on love. I’m definitely not bitter. And I’m not on that strong, independent Black woman soapbox society so meticulously crafted for women like me, but rather the if he doesn’t put in consistent effort, teach me and is open to learning, add a significant amount of peace, enjoy telling the truth, like himself, love deeply without conditions and make my heart burst with joy, I’ll pass type deal.

And that’s just the minimum. Why do some people see this as negative?

None of us would be single if it were that easy to meet and hold onto a very compatible, ready, available someone that also wants to hold onto you. (For all and only the right reasons, of course.) And to me, cultivating love and peace and happiness within myself is of utmost importance. Maintaining joy and drive in my work and the things I do most are also high on the list. Anything more is a major bonus. But harping on why I don’t have partner? 

Nah.

Maintaining a half-assed relationship out of fear or to save face? Nope, it’s just not in me! It will only make my heart ache for something real and pull energy from the things that are currently fulfilling.

Anyway, partner or no partner, whatever is meant for me in life will come.
For you, too.

(See the linked post below; it inspired this rant.)

❤

Listen damnit, I am tired of single people getting looked at like we have leprosy or some shit. It is like if you are over a certain age and you are not in a relationship then some people seem to talk to or about you in such a condescending manner. Everyone does not get into…

via #SINGLELIVESMATTER — The Single Bitch Diaries

25 thoughts on “#SINGLELIVESMATTER {a reblog+}”

  1. Having a man does not validate you. Not everyone is meant to be married. Being Married does not equate to eternal bliss just look at the high divorce rate in the USA for proof. I made the decision Not to get married when I was young and for the most part I do not regret making that choice. Yes I’ve been through some rough times as a single woman especially when I was sick or in the hospital but God always sends somebody to help you and you must reach out for help. When I was young family (my aunts & cousins Not my parents) screamed at me to get married. I’ve heard that stupid Why are you single question for decades. Church. Co-workers. Even random guys on the street one in particular
    despite living in a homeless shelter with no job and no prospects after asking me for a dollar telling me as I walked away from him You Need a Man! Looking back I find this somewhat hilarious as this young man was in his 30s, I’m damn near 60 and what do I want with a little boy man?!! Yes it would be nice to have a companion but I never have settled nor am I desperate.

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    1. Yes! To all of this. Thank you for sharing your testimony, love. I feel the same about becoming a parent: it is not a journey for everyone. It’s not a good or bad thing; it’s just how it is.

      Thanks again for sharing your honest story. I hope it reaches those that need it.

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  2. Single Women might want to read a book called Having Our Say two sisters who decided not to marry and had very rich fulfilling lives. They both lived to be over 100. I personally attribute their long lives to Not having a husband who stresses you and denies you the right to be yourself. Given the time period in which they lived they had to go against society and tradition for their achievements. I can still remember when I was growing up in the 1960s/70s Single Women being called Old Maids and Spinsters like we outlived our usefulness or avoided our purpose in life ie husband and children. Once you read this book or watch the movie it will give you a new refreshing outlook on being a Single Woman.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Having_Our_Say:_The_Delany_Sisters%27_First_100_Years

    Having Our Say: The Delany Sisters’ First 100 Years is a 1993 New York Times bestselling book of oral history written by Sarah “Sadie” L. Delany and A. Elizabeth “Bessie” Delany with Amy Hill Hearth. The sisters were the daughters of a former slave who became the first African-American elected Bishop in the Episcopal Church in the United States.[1] The sisters were civil rights pioneers, but their stories were largely unknown until Amy Hill Hearth, a reporter for The New York Times, interviewed them for a feature story in 1991, then expanded her story into book form

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  3. I’m giving you so many snaps on this post! I completely relate and it’s true. Get back to being the best you, you can be. 🔥🔥 #singlelivesmatter

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  4. Yes! There is so much power in being single. It’s very annoying and ignorant that so many still determine a female’s worth by whether she has a man. Thank you for being an example otherwise. 🙂

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  5. Single is great! People can be overly critical. When I was single, I got the you should be in a relationship attitude. Now, in a relationship for quite awhile, I seem to be angering people that I won’t have kids! Child free is fabulous, for me.

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    1. Oh wow. People are funny, upset over things that really have no direct effect on their wellbeing. Maybe they want to live vicariously, I don’t know. Thanks for your comment!

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  7. This is so true! After the breakup of my first serious relationship, I came to understand how much we need to be happy on our own, not just through other people. Find out what truly mkes you happy. When no one is around, no family, no friends, no partner; What makes you happy?! When u find out the answer to this question u are on your way to living a fulfilling life in which you have not placed your happiness in another but within yourself! Thanks for sharing!

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    1. Adrianna! Yes! Your response is worth a post in itself. I agree wholeheartedly. You have people out here having CHILDREN and watering dead relationships to fill a void that cannot be filled by anything but self-love + acceptance.

      Thanks for your comment!

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  11. I think it is different for men and women. I mean people ask me the typical, “Why are you single?” question all the time, but I don’t think that they do it in a condescending way and if they do, I never catch it. When most men hear that I am single with no kids they give me praise. “Right on!” “Keep up the good work!” LOL! Now women on the other hand gotta hear about their biological clock and starting families and this and that and that and this. I think society puts more pressure on you’ll being in a relationship than it does us.

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    1. Definitely. There’s always something to complain about, especially if a woman appears content and fulfilled partnerless.

      Thanks for the comment, Cliff. You know you’re right.

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  12. I’m okay with being single for the most part, until I’m faced with couples and reminded of what I don’t have. Throwing yourself into a relationship because you don’t want to be alone is a recipe for disaster anyway.

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